Apologise

I'm sorry....

I wasn't here for a long time. I have been recovering.
It was hard, with ups and downs. I kind of did but still have been hounted by Ana thoughts...

And I'm back, I've relapsed but not sad about it at all. It'll help me.
I have gained weight lately. And have been working out a lot. Got some muscles, not sure if I like it :/

9kg more than my lowest weight.... :'(
Don't want to be "fit, healthy and strong" anymore
Want to be thin ♥

I wish it was me </3

Day 7

ABC diet

Day7, January 7th

300cal

I'm sorry, I don't feel like blogging today :(

So in short, I had:

0%fat yogurt with cinnamon and clementine;

all green salads (cucumber, spinach and chinese cabbage);

beetroot soup and beetroot salads with pea (small)

Downoaded a new app "TwoGrand" You must check it up!

You need to take a photo of everything you eat and also have some fun challenges there

Add me: _mxffin ♥

Going to workout as planned (Blogilates and BBG)

Had around 300cal as planned :)

See you soon

xxx

Day 6 (pretty much casual day)

ABC diet

Day 6, January 6th

200cal

Writting this journal inspires me! I just have to do it not late at night after all meals and workouts but before dinner to don't eat it -_-'

Breakfast: apple (~60cal?)

Lunch: apple (~60cal?)

Dinner: had beetroot salads with peas (?) and cookies (???)

just after afte some realised that
 maybe it was made with mayo???

It's actually disguisting that I ate it
cookies looked similar but I didn't have as muuuuuch
I kind of feel like getting control.
My mother bringed few of them in my room and I just
didn't notice how I ate I think 4 while using my
computer haha

NEVER EAT NEAR COMPUTER

Didn't eat after 7pm ^^

Workouts:

* 10 sit ups when woke up (Cassey told me :D)

*  POP pilater for begginers: Ab time!

* 10 min Ab sculpturing workout to blast belly fat (this was insanegoood)

Can find those on youtube or blogilates.com (or look at my previous post)

Bikini body guide: LIS day, needed to walk or something low intense.

I walk almost everyday for at least half hour ^^

TOTAL: I have no idea. 

I also feel like not actually doing the ABC diet... but I'm trying (need to try harder!)

and if anything, I'll repeat it but only after I finish all days ♥

Day 5 (Girls problems/moods, Venting + Workouts!)

ABC diet

Day 5, January 5th

100cal

I had a really horrible day. 

Couldn't sleep till 6am (cried 3 times while that)

I had a really weird chest pain. Felt like knives in my lungs and after my lungs felt like full of water and I couldn't breath deeply but that's how I slept. (I hope it was sleep O.o)

Slept a hour and had nightmares till 7am (my mother woke me up to school). 

Woke up with headache and whole body pain (probably cause of that pain in chest and lungs) Even my back hurt and all other muscles, I wasn't able to get up so I told my mother that I'll sleep and won't go to school. (Didn't tell about chest pain)

Woke up in 1h 20mins. Texted with best friend, she also didn't go to first 2 lessons and we decided to go to 3rd lesson :D 

Breakfast: half grapefruit (~50cal)

Didn't eat any pie that my class teacher gave us in our "tea break" *pround* ^^

Lunch: my curd porrigeee! I made it be only 50cals. 

(Recipe in Day 4) But to make it lower cals I only added cinnamon, come coffee with wheat shorts  and used even less of curd.

And then I went to art school and my day went all wrong again....

I HATE my art teacher. He used to be nice bu not anymore. I don't know what's wrong with his mood. Is he bipolar or what? He always ruins my mood. I don't wanna draw anything anymore. It's my graduating year in art school and I'm giving away all my drawings/paintings (if interested leave a comment bellow).

I want to start writting! But English isn't my native and I can't write good essays in English and express my feelings in right words :(

So he ruined my mood, I came back home and ate white chocolate. Even if wasn't hungry and didn't really want it. 100g and 560cal of it didn't fill me up at all. So I also had an apple, white bread with honey, mugcakes (used 2 eggs (for 2), not fat yogurt, some flour, oats, cacao, vanilla extract, baking powder).

If I didn't start with that chocolate from sadness I wouldn't have eaten it all and would have completed my day perfectly.

Also my periods started today in the afternoon and it made me sooo hungry.

Still made myself to don't eat after 7pm and I will probably skip breakfast tomorrow and have salads for lunch (bought spinach and have tomatoes so will be low cal and delicious ^^)

Lately I'm pretty positive about my eating! (but there are many assholes who constantly ruin my mood or it's just periods....) Or I'm just happy after all workouts I did!

Here they are:

1. Fat burning dance workout "Bodypop"

It was reallyyyy fun! I love Cassey, she's so cheerful and my made day (evening) better!

I have also started her New Begginers Calendar workout today!

2. POP Pilates For Begginers  

It was amazing too!

Also started Bikini Body Guide by Kayla! It's going to last 12 weeks (till spring)

Today's legs & cardio day!

So I did:

* 15 Jump squats

* 15 Squats

* 24 Walking lunges (12 per leg)

* 24 Knee ups (12 per leg)

* 16 X Jumps (8 per leg)

* 10 Burpies

* 24 Step ups (12 per leg)

* 15 Medicine ball squat & press (I used a pillow)

This workout was easier but still good!

Sorry for looong post and all venting but I LOVE YOU ALL (whoever reads my blog ♥)

Day 4 (with delicious breakfast recipe)

ABC diet 

Day 4, January 4th

400cal

I don't like selfdiagnosing things, but do I have an insomnia when I can't sleep till 6am whole week (last week till 3-4am)? Even if I workout in the evening, feel tired but just laying in bed whole night. Not thinking about anything. Just maybe how to lose more weight :D

Haven't gained after yesterdays binge :)

So today:

Breakfast: 

made porrige from 3 tsp wheat shorts (I used these +added some hot water), 45g low fat curd.

Added cinnamon, sesame, a bit of coconut, tbsp of dryed cranberries and a tsp od honey.

Was so delicious! (~100cal)

Supposed to look like this but I didn't add peanuts, cause calories

Lunch: ~100g of cottage chese with cinnamon (~100cal)

Snack: ahhhh hate it! My mother bought my favorite waffle candies again! I had just 2. I can have control. Aaaand I'll give them aprox 200cal (100 each)

(if anyone knows how many cals it is please tell me! They're from "Roshen". I can't find calories anywhere T-T)

Here's that bastard. 

TOTAL: ~400cals as planned but would have done much better without those candies

Day 3 (what to do after binge)

ABC diet

Day 3, January 3rd

300cal

I feel so dissapointed of myself :(

Couldn't go 3 days without binging,,,,

Even though my day started pretty well!

Maybe because had just 4 hours of sleep, I need more sleep and my vacations are overrrr >_<

So...

Breakfast: half grapefruit (~50cals)

looks delicious and it's a great food to start your day ^^

And then,,,, BINGE:

Digestive pie with pears and cranberries

2 Milka waffles. Yes, 2 of these:

6 of these candies (after Milka I stopped giving fxck of what I eat)

And I also ate one of this pastry with poppies

It was horrible, I wanted to purge after it but couldn't, because my mother was near and she warned me if I keep throwing up, she'll hospitalize me.... I really don't want it!

So what I can do after binge?

I need to eat clean, healthy, and don't start fast right after binge because body will keep all that bad bad bad food inside. (I'll fast for at least 24h on Monday (January 5th))

So I had an apple, didn't eat after 6pm and did some cardio workout ^^

Apple looks lovely and MUCH better than all binge foods!

IT'S JUST A BAD DAY BUT I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP!

Day 2 (tricked by instant noodles)

ABC diet

Day 2, January 2nd

500cal

Lost a kilo!

Breakfast; -

(I again slept till 2am)

Lunch: cabbage soup (I don't know how many cals but 50-100?)

something similar

Snack: sliced banana with cinnamon (~100cal)

(snack sounds horrible, Ik)

added cinnamon ^^

Dinner: instant noodles (269cal!)

Omg I was so tricked! I wanted to eat something crispy and there came those "natural" noodles, I was hungry, looked at nutrition: 86.8cal for 100g and just ate it because thought it was okay. BUT WASN'T. This little shxt pack makes "soup" of 310g and my instant noodle snack was 269cal. NEVER gonna eat it again, that's ridiculous and wayy too many cals for it.

had that orange one on the left with mushrooms

TOTAL: ~500/cal

Day 1 (forced pasta)

ABC diet 

Day 1, January 1st

500 cal

Breakfast: -

Lunch: yogurt (200cal)

Dinner: pasta with salsa souce (~300cal?)

TOTAL: ~500cal